The Coaching Habit
February 6, 2025
Learning from the book - The Coaching Habit, Say Less, Ask More & Change the way you lead forever
The Coaching Habit: A Must-Read for Leaders Who Want to Coach Effectively
I recently read The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever by Michael Bungay Stanier, and I can confidently say—it’s a game changer. If you’re new to coaching or looking to sharpen your leadership skills, this book is a must-read.
One of the best things about The Coaching Habit is how easy it is to read. It’s practical, concise, and filled with actionable insights that you can apply immediately. You can finish it quickly, but the lessons will stay with you for a long time.
Why Coaching Matters for Leaders
Coaching isn’t just for professional coaches—it’s an essential leadership skill. Whether you’re a manager, director, VP, or executive, you need to develop a coaching mindset to help your team grow. But let’s be honest—most leaders are busy. The idea of adding “coaching” to an already packed schedule can feel overwhelming.
That’s where this book stands out. Michael Bungay Stanier teaches you how to coach in less than 10 minutes, making it a seamless part of your daily conversations.
Coaching Is a Habit, Not a One-Time Event
Like any skill, coaching requires practice. Attending a training session won’t make you a great coach overnight. If you don’t apply what you learn, you’ll forget it. Coaching needs to become a habit—something you do consistently, not just when there’s a performance review or a problem to solve.
When coaching becomes second nature, your team becomes more self-sufficient, and you, as a leader, create a culture of growth and accountability.
The Seven Essential Coaching Questions
One of the highlights of the book is the seven simple but powerful questions that can transform your coaching conversations. These questions help cut through the noise, focus on what truly matters, and empower the person you’re coaching to find their own solutions.
1. Ask One Question at a Time
A common mistake many leaders make is bombarding their teams with too many questions at once. Instead, slow down. Ask one question at a time, then listen—really listen. This gives the other person space to think and respond without feeling overwhelmed.
2. What’s on Your Mind?
This is a great opening question. It skips the small talk and gets straight to what matters. Michael introduces the 3P Model—Projects, People, and Patterns—to help structure the conversation. By identifying whether the challenge is related to a specific project, interpersonal dynamics, or behavioral patterns, you can help your coachee focus on meaningful improvements.
3. And What Else?
This deceptively simple question pushes people to dig deeper. Often, the first answer someone gives isn’t their only (or best) option. Asking “And what else?” encourages them to think beyond their initial response and explore multiple solutions.
4. What’s the Real Challenge Here for You?
The first problem someone presents is rarely the real issue. This question helps uncover the deeper challenge beneath the surface. Instead of rushing to provide solutions, let the coachee reflect and identify what truly needs to be addressed.
5. What Do You Really Want?
There’s a difference between what people say they need and what they actually want. This question clarifies priorities and helps distinguish between surface-level requests and deeper motivations.
Using concepts from Nonviolent Communication, leaders can help their teams articulate what truly matters to them.
6. How Can I Help?
This question prevents leaders from jumping in to “fix” things. Instead of assuming what support is needed, simply ask. It shifts the responsibility back to the coachee while showing that you’re available as a thought partner, not a problem solver.
7. What Was Most Useful Here for You?
End every coaching conversation with this question. It helps the coachee reflect on the key takeaways and reinforces their learning. Plus, it gives you insight into what’s resonating, so you can improve your coaching approach over time.
The Power of Silence & Acknowledgment
Two additional lessons stood out to me:
- Silence is powerful. Give your coachee time to think. Resist the urge to jump in and fill the space.
- Acknowledge their progress. People need to feel heard and valued. A simple acknowledgment of their effort or insights can boost their confidence and motivation.
Final Thoughts
Michael Bungay Stanier has done an incredible job distilling complex coaching concepts into a simple, practical framework. The book is packed with useful insights, and he even recommends additional books to explore.
If you’re a leader who wants to develop a coaching habit, this book is an excellent place to start. It’s not about adding more work to your plate—it’s about transforming the way you lead, one conversation at a time.
Special thanks to Michael for writing this gem of a book. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend you do!